"No dik in da condom!"

Many people come up to us and ask our names and where we are from. And it's common for us to have short conversations about how long we have been in India and if we like it here. Then, sometimes, folks ask about our religious views or if we have children or how many siblings we have and if our parents are well.

 

Some of the people who speak to us are touts looking to squeeze a rupee out of our ignorance of the land and how to navigate it; but many of those who ask us out-of-the-blue questions are just interested Indians--many of whom have had contact with Westerners only through Hollywood TV and film productions. And questions of interest are a cultural way of showing respect, because if you don't care about someone, then you do not bother asking them anything. Questions are friendly and signs of possible friendship, usually.

 

A man in Ahmedabad walked up to me and very stoically asked, "Where are you from?" When I told him I live in Canada, he nodded as if I had solved some secret riddle. Then he said, "Good to meet you." and walked away, just like that. I shrugged and continued to get lost in the thronging markets.

 

Another man (this time in Bikaner) approached us and asked if were enjoying India. We said we were (actually Anne was quite emphatic that she liked it very much). He smiled warmly and asked our names and then, after gathering this important information, he welcomed us officially and sped off on his bicycle. This is typical of what I am talking about.

 

However, one encounter, also in Bikaner, stays with me.

 

A man came up to us and asked the prerequisite questions: "Where are you from? How is India? Do you have children?"

 

On our answer to children: "None." he asked, "Married?"

 

We both grinned and said, "Yes!"

 

Then he asked a question that neither of us could understand the first four or five times we had him say it: "Dik in-da condom?" It was such a non-sequitor that we had a hard time comprehending what he was asking even after figuring out his stutter-fast English. The upshot of his query was to determine our method of birth control, something many Indians seem rather uninterested in adopting. Or at least the exploding population of the country and the average Indian man's quest to prove his virility would make it seem that birth control is, at very least, not a topic for polite conversation. In any case, our little Indian friend in Bikaner decided that we must be users of condoms and he proceeded to exhort us not to use them, by repeatedly yelling: "No dik in da condom!"

 

I was just a touch afraid. I'm sure if it came to blows, I and Anne would win, but he seemed rather agitated. It was pretty clear that he was spouting off a rather religious principle or doctrine.

 

So, if you happen to attend a church or temple or organization which does not support birth control, then, the next time they ask for money or pass the offering plate, imagine my little Indian friend screaming down at you from the pulpit "No dik in da condom" and, please, give appropriately.

 

NB